That final leap

I’m becoming more paranoid that something is wrong with me.

I have a gorgeous, sexy boyfriend who’s tongue and fingers are too incredible for a fitting description. However there is that part of my brain and body that is stopping me from making that final leap. That final push that gets me to climax.

I drove up to Dorian’s the other day. We had such a lovely time, both of us frisky and pouncing on each other. (Could have something to do with the outfit that he opened his door in!) I gave him one of his favourite treats involving my tongue going where it really shouldn’t go.  I think he had come a couple of times before I was at a level where I was ready to join him.

We played games, we found new positions, I think one was the scissors which is a fantastic angle! We had toys, we had costumes. We snuggled, we rested. I came downstairs in a jeans and a hoody and it took Dorian ages to discover the corset I had on underneath…was very quickly dragged upstairs after than discovery!

But nothing. I got close, very very close. But nothing would push me over the edge into an orgasm. Dorian was still facing away from me at the point I gave up. It meant that he didn’t see me burst into tears of frustration as I moved him off of me. He assumed I was exhausted as per usual when I lay down, curled up, so he came up behind me for a snuggle before sensing anything amiss. I couldn’t tell him half of the reasons I was crying. He understood though. He always says he understands and I believe that he does. But I don’t know how to change what is wrong.

Why did I cry?

•  I’m frustrated at myself.
• I feel I’m letting Dorian down, he really is amazing at what he does.
• I feel like it’s my fault.
• I think that soon Dorian won’t bother trying with me anymore because he’ll assume it’ll be a wasted effort.
• I feel that I’ll start pushing him off of me early as I think it’s a waste of his effort.
• I fear that it means there is something physically or mentally wrong with me.
• I feel under pressure from myself .
• I can feel Dorian’s frustration at me though he tries to hide it
• I fear that what gets me turned on in the first place is putting me off in practice.
• I’m frustrated that I can’t express half of this to Dorian.
• I cried for so many reasons on top of that.
• Teeny, insignificant reasons and emotions that all suddenly just frothed to the surface and spilled over.
• Most of all I was crying because Dorian was so understanding and wonderful and deserves a lot better than me!

What can I do?

• Practice?
• Try something new?
• Hypnosis :p
• Persevere?
• Give up trying?
• Become a nun

Help me guys!

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~ by silverarcheress on September 18, 2010.