Set myself up

I’m worried now about setting myself up for a fall.

I have 2 issues. I want to give the Voice a chance but he’s already let me down, he’s already convincing me that he’s a bad idea. But I have to know. I’ve spent months with an idle crush on this guy. But I can’t see anything really happening with him beyond a friendly meet up.

My second issue I’m going to keep quiet but let’s just say it confuses me more and if I confess it to the relevant person I am almost guaranteed to be shot down in a blast of logic and sensibleness. But everyone knows that logic never applies to feelings! There I’m definitely setting myself up to be hurt.

So what’s the answer?

Be careful all my life in case I get hurt?

Weigh up the pros and cons before I make a decision and worry all my life that I’m missing out?

Go for it and screw the consequences?

Help!

 

On the brink

I haven’t been in this position for a long time. In the flirting stage where you are on the brink of something happening. But it’s got to the point now where I’m bored. It’s been going on too long in this same state of idle interest in each others lives. The almost meeting but not having the time to. So now I’m at the point where I just want to get it over and done with. I’m not too interested in them anymore, but I’ve spent so long having the stupid crush that I think it’d be a waste to not meet them at all. All the little things that were putting me off the Voice in the first place are building up. The things that attracted me are being buried. So I’m on the brink. On the brink of moving on from a relationship I’ve never had.

Sunday Morning

‘Sunday morning rain is pouring, steal some covers share some skin’ I love this song by Maroon 5. The whole song sums up my last Sunday morning where I finished off a delightful weekend with Carrot.

The way the whole thing came about is complicated, but I think we both decided to make a proper weekend of it as it is quite likely to be the last time in a long while that we will get to be together in that way. But that’s another post entirely.

So what did Carrot and I get up to? Plenty of things to make my body quiver and his cock twitch. I could start with how I drove 170miles up the motorway in my underwear and stockings and just a coat on top. I could tell you how Carrot’s tongue delved where it’s never delved before. I could talk about my introduction to a new type of double penetration. Or how Carrot made me come in a way that suprised me entirely. All these things I can…and probably will write about soon. But what I really want to talk about is Sunday morning.

I woke up after an exhausting night to gale force winds and rain pounding on the window. I turned sleepily to see Carrot beside me fast asleep cacooned in his duvet. I nearly burst out laughing when I realised that my tossing and turning and duvet stealing habits had forced him to venture out in the middle of the night get his duvet from his bedroom to bring to the guest room. It made my stomach lurch when I realised how much I had missed this. The happy side of our life. When I had lost my inhibitions and stopped treating Carrot with suspicion. When Carrot made the effort to make me feel so good about myself. So that the sex was great, and the in between bits wasn’t strained.

I woke Carrot up with frequent kisses and caresses until he was eventually awake enough to pull me on top of him. We were grinding against each other and kissing each other deeply. We would then rest and snuggle against each other. Playing a marathon game of eye-spy where we would lock the guesser in an embrace, not allowing them to move until they had guessed correctly. We played such games, stopping to tussle and wrestle. Carrot trying to distract me by sliding his fingers into me. Lazily manouvering into a 69 position until we were both on the very brink of orgasm.

But the thing that got me was that we finally decided we were hungry at 3pm! We had been so wrapped up in one another that we had missed breakfast and lunch entirely.

The whole weekend made me realise something. Not that I could ever tell Carrot this.

I do love him.

Not in a boyfriend/girlfriend way. But the way that I love my closest friends. It’s not the sex that reminds me of this. It’s the easy hug, the teasing and idiotic games. It’s being read to sleep and being kissed tenderly on the forehead. It’s the conceding to the fact that this is over and not making a fuss or deal of it, just the unspoken agreement to make this time worthwhile.

Time to move on now. But I’m estatic to have ended things on such a happy note. Stay posted from more from this weekend and hopefully something completely new and different

xxx

Dining Room Shenanigans

This is a quick post about a little conversation Carrot and I had last night. It was just a suprise how well this flowed when he said it. We have so many what ifs about that half week and this is one of them. Carrot told me:

It would probably be on the last day i was down when you’d headed down to get breakfast and instead of being Miss Tidy you were a bit less so. Instead of going for my boxers and jeans I instead selected the black thong, stockings, suspenders and your pink corset to wear. Heading down stairs I slip into your knee high boots that were carelessly at the bottom there so when you came back from the conservatory with juice in hand in your dressing gown I was stood there you would then be pushed over the table so you were sprawled on your front, obviously letting the juice fly somewhere you’d then feel the dressing gown torn up and feel me enter you straight away fast and vigorously thrusting in behind you.

The conclusion of this event was a rather breath taking orgasm just to let you know!

There for me

Not my usual self but this is a forum for my deepest thoughts isn’t it?

I realised today that what I miss most about being in a relationship with someone is that unspoken agreement that whatever the other person says is to be considered important. Or, that there is someone in your life who will put you first as often as you will put them first.

I’m the mother, the carer, the one everyone turns to in their moment of crisis. The one who will willingly go to the ends of the earth to comfort a loved one. My comparison would be that I’m a masseuse who is particularly adept at soothing away lifes little stresses and worries. However i’m a masseuse who is sorely in need of a massage, and it’s difficult to reach all of those spots that need kneading.

What has triggered this off?

Family. Friends. Lovers. Workmates. You name it.

I don’t want you to get me wrong, I never resent comforting my friends. I want them to be happy and I’m good at listening and analysing and comforting. There is a part of me that thinks that, in calming them, somehow I’m absorbing the negative energy myself. What’s more, my sanctuary, my home, my haven away from the stresses of life has ceased to be such. It has become a place where with the arrival of my sister to stay for the week my back knots up into a thousand ball bearings. Where the arrival of my father home from work is a tentative foray into either relaxing or taking on his burdens. Where my lowly worries get buried away from the surface so as not to encumber anyone else. God forbid that I should make life more difficult for them. Which is a foul thing to say. It’s not that they don’t care. It’s that it just doesn’t occur to people to worry about me. I’m too capable, too dependable, too happy, too much of the carer.

What’s more, I don’t want to share it with anyone here. It’s a bizarre thing to say but I don’t want to confess why I’m becoming more and more depressed to the friends I see so often. I don’t want them looking at me next time I see them checking I’m not about to break down. I have four people I can think of who I want to turn to right now. Three people who know nearly everything that has happened over this last year. One I can’t, or at least I don’t see how I can. I just want to speak to Carrot so badly, in a purely selfish way. Because I know that as unsympathetic as he professes to being, he cared deeply about me, enough to listen and want to comfort me. Enough to rub my shoulders, literally soothing my pain. But I can’t. I can’t put that on him. I just wish he could phone me, message me, something, in that intuitive way he once had, and ask if i’m okay, or just hug me silently until I was ready to confide. Or demand that I tell him. But I doubt he’d see that as a role for him as my friend. My other confidante would be the lovely Bambi. I’ve held nothing back from that woman in my life. Nothing. She is fantastic at insisting on me explaining why I’m so upset. But I don’t want to do that to her. Not again. Not with this. She would know exactly what to say but I just don’t feel I can face seeing her. There is my lovely small blonde friend who again instinctively knows when I’m upset but I can’t face her form of comforting, and comparative stories, and that it’ll inevitably become about her. Which leaves my aunt. My own personal Nanny Ogg. The one person who knows to check if I’m okay when the rest of my family is falling apart or not able to help me. But it’s too much to ask of her right now. There is so much going on in the family that I can’t talk to any of them anymore.

So who do I turn to now? Or do I just try and sate myself by writing here. Is this enough catharsis for me?

Flirting with the unknown

I’m in a bit of a dilemma at the moment.

I like a guy who in so many ways is unsuitable for me. He lives too far away. He is quite a bit older than me (but still within the (age/2 +7) rule. He has a kid. We have little in common. We have never met!

But there is a certain je ne sais quoi about the whole thing. I’ve spoken to him loads since he worked at another store from me (imagine if you will a certain Gavin and Stacey quality to our chatting) we get on so well, we cheer each other up. I finally built up the courage to suggest keeping in touch outside of work and we’ve been texting ever since, it’s nice to have someone show so much interest in me. It’s fun to be cheeky and flirty without going too far. I like that I can tell that the Voice is trying to ask me out but keeps retracting the offers because he’s so paranoid of scaring me off.

So my problem is thus: Do I preempt the Voice and ask him out, without the taking it back? Do I wait to see if he ever asks me out himself? Do I even want me or him to do so?!

I have an immense fear that one or both of us will be disappointed if we meet. I’m a fairly confident person with people I’m good friends with, or with complete strangers. I struggle with the inbetweens. The people who I want to impress but I’m not sure I’m capable of doing so. Or worse, the people who obviously have a preconceived idea of what I’m like

So do I take the leap?

What’s the worse that can happen?

Friends are Complicated

I have some very good friends who I can tell a lot to. Obviously different friends you can tell different things. But it still amazes me how different my friends are when I’m talking to them about sex. Especially how closed minded some can be.

For example, I was having a picnic with a couple of friends today and the conversation turned to sex. By the end of it I was rather bemused. For a starters both declared that they don’t particularly enjoy giving or receiving oral sex. Now giving is half way understandably as it’s a very intimate thing to do and could be a bit uncomfortable. Personally I enjoy it a lot. I think Carrot was amused by how I would happily be constantly stroking or sucking on his cock. The receiving oral sex though I consider scandalous! I comfort myself in knowing that it must mean they haven’t had anyone as skilled as I have. Aghast! That’s the word I was looking for. I was aghast that they didn’t like oral sex at all. Both said if asked to give a blowjob they would, but half heartedly. How on earth can you do a good job that way. I shake my head in despair. The other thing that came up in particular today was anal. They  both said that it was something they’d never do. I know that a lot of people don’t enjoy it but it boggles my mind how completely closed minded they are to it. They seemed terribly shocked to find out that i had done it and enjoyed it. Good job they don’t know what else Carrot and I used to get up to!

I have other friends who I talk about sex with but because I consider her so much older and wiser I never let on that I’ve done anything remotely kinky. I fear her judgement more than anyone else I know. It’s not because she would judge me. But more because I know she thinks of me as a little sister almost and I kind of want her to keep thinking that.

Then there are the friends I could tell absolutely anything to and they would do the same. Not that I would reveal anything that I know Carrot wouldn’t want anyone else to know. But we tell each other things in great detail, get ideas from each other and have an unbelievably honest friendship.

The question is…does that make the first two types of friends any less worthwhile?

New Move

There was a move that Carrot and I did that felt better than any I’d ever felt before. It was a variation of the missionary, but some angle was new. That angle was enough to drive me to the brink of climax alone. We just had no idea of what was different. The way to describe it was that Carrot’s cock was rubbing along the bottom of the entrance of my vagina a lot more and apparently that is a very sensitive area. I just wish I knew how he got there. No pillows or other props were involved. I suspect he was lower down than usual.

I’m just annoyed that I have found a move that we could both comfortably maintain that sent me insanely wild but I don’t know how!!

Reunions

Caught by suprise as I’m walking around the house in my dress, I was about to leg it up the stairs to add my knee length high heel boots and a suspender belt to sexy it up. But there is a knock on the door and I’m caught off guard when you enter the house. I didn’t know what to do. I walk up to you, not sure whether to throw my arms around you and kiss you. I’m half hoping that you will do that to me. The awkwardness abates suddenly as the X-Factor theme tune blares from the front room. I exclaim that I’ve forgotten that it was on and we go sit down to watch it. We are sitting companionably watching and laughing, though there is an uncertain electricity in the air. I shift to sit closer to you and I feel your cool breath on my neck. I can’t tell if you are teasing me or trying to turn me on. I want to nuzzle you and kiss you but I’m still too shy. You tickle me and we play fight in the intervals but still the uncertainty hangs over me. I need you to be direct but suspect that I’ll have to take matters in my own hand.

I take a deep breath and I move to straddle your lap. You ask me what I’m doing and I ignore you. I instead press my lips against yours. Soon our lips are locked in a searching kiss. Your arms creep around my waist and you pull me in deeper. My mind briefly is intrigued by how natural and familiar this all feels before it returns to focus on how good you feel between my legs. Soon I’ve been stripped off of my clothing and you remind me triumphantly that you’ve won the age old contest of who can strip the other fastest! I soon have you naked too and our kissing turns fierce as we caress each other’s bare skin.

You have me lain back on the sofa and kiss your way down my body. You focus for a while on my breasts, licking and sucking on my nipple, letting your hand slide lower until you push two fingers gently into me. I gasp, realising how much I’d missed this and pull your face up so I can kiss your lips again in delight. You swiftly return to what you are doing and I sense you moving down my body. Your tongue makes a foray into my bellybutton sending me wriggling in a sensual delight. I tense in anticipation as your mouth ventures further south and finally lands on my clit. I lean back and enjoy the sensation of your tongue licking and sucking and driving me wild.

I soon want to join in and pull your legs around so that you are straddling my head. I take your cock in my hand and start to stroke it making it even harder before transferring the attention to my eager mouth. My thumb rubs along the base, below your balls while the rest of the hand fondles your balls and the lower half of your cock. I only remove my hand to pull you deep into my mouth, down my throat. Soon our hands are wandering as we automatically do what we know turns the other on so much. You slide more fingers into my vagina and slide another into my asshole. I return the favour and I’m soon thrusting my fingers into you, causing your cock to swell even more and you to pratically fuck my mouth with it. You are clearly nearly ready to come and you move off of me, pulling me up and one of us suggest moving upstairs.

We race up the stairs, quickly wash our hands and enter the bedroom. You hesitate almost as you come in, as if to check this is still all happening. I pull you in for a kiss and you return it softly, then push me roughly onto the bed. I’m face down on the bed and I hear the rip of the condom packet and my breath quickens and pulse races in excitement. Your fingers thrust into my wetness checking that I was ready and in one swift motion you thrust your cock into me. Soon you are pounding into me and spanking my ass with your hand until you climax hard. We collapse onto the bed, a pair of very happy and satisfied people.

A perfect start to the stay!

That’ll teach you!

I was being told off. So the best way to do it? Tie me to the door!

Carrot undressed me fairly roughly and then pulled me onto my feet and pushed me against the door ordering me to close my eyes. He tied me to them using these   which got my blood boiling. I leaned forward to kiss Carrot and I got shoved back against the door. Hard. He would bring his lips within millimetres of mine and then as I leaned to kiss him he’d dodge my kiss to move his lips to my neck. I must have told him once about my sensitive neck as he would kiss it until I was driven to distraction!

He slid his fingers into me and started rubbing my clit at the same time making my knees buckle. I put my foot up onto the side of my bed to get me as tall as Carrot to try and kiss him again, but he pushed me down again roughly. Pressing hard against my breast making me wince in pain as well as groan in pleasure. He knelt down and I felt his fingers delving deeper into me as well as his tongue softly licking at me. I sank further down onto him as he slid the first end of my double ended dildo into my vagina. Then the feel of the other end pressing on my asshole.  I stopped him at that point, as I knew I couldn’t take it right then. I managed to work my wrists out of the bonds and Carrot let me lay on the bed where he continued to rub on me.

At some point, and I’m not sure when, my hand inched it’s way down to take over the rubbing of my clit while the other one played on my nipples. Carrot guided that second hand down so it took over the playing with my toy. I didn’t realise really that I had taken over and Carrot was now a witness to my masterbation. On occasion he would suck on my nipple, I suspect to stop me realising what I was doing unwittingly. Then I told him to tell me what to do.

‘Open your mouth’ he told me

I obeyed of course, letting him slip in his hard cock for me to suck on.

Then obeyed as he instructed me to slip first a couple, then a third finger into my vagina, working them in and out and over my clit. Then to push my toy in instead and keep that going. My body was taking over by now, going into the autopilot that it had become so accustomed to in the months without sex. My hips raising off of the bed as I worked the toy further into me. 

The next thing that I clearly remember is being on all fours, teeth biting into my pillow as i kept working the toy into me. I’m already getting so hot and bothered and it’s Carrot’s voice behind me telling me that he is stroking his cock and balls watching me and that he is very much enjoying what he is seeing. I ask him if he’d rather slide that cock into my arse. To which he asks if I would like him to slide his cock into my arse. I groan an affirmative and i feel him press against my asshole. This sends me even further into a daze and I’m bucking my hips and I climax as he enters me!

I drop down onto the bed, and I turn around to see Carrot stroking his cock with a slightly confused look. As if to ask ‘where did you go?’ and then it seems to dawn on him and he lays down next to me to kiss me. We remain lain like this for a while before the inevitable question from Carrot ‘Is it dinner time yet?’

More posts from the last few days coming up!