Just Me

The thing that concerns me about any relationship, any friendship, any person I speak to i that I’m not good enough. I worry that I’m the third, fourth or twenty fifth choice. It makes me over compensate. It makes me promise things I cannot deliver. It makes me promise things that I’m not always sure I want to deliver.

So what worries me when it comes to Dorian?

It worries me that he would not want me without all the accessories and paraphenalia. Would he still be as interested if I couldn’t provide all the fun toys, costumes and kinkiness? I’m not afraid that he likes me as a friend or has feelings for me. But I wonder if the only reason he is so eager to meet up is because he know’s I have a ’suprise’ for him.

I have a wish.

It may be a strange wish. Not making any sense to anyone but myself.

But I wish that Dorian would just ask me to come out to see him and say that just for once he doesn’t want us to bring anything with us. I wish he would realise that there is so much anticipation put on seeing each other that it frankly terrifies me. I don’t feel that I have the same ability I once did to entice him.  Well actually I do have the ability to entice him. In fact some of the most amazing and special memories of Dorian involve nothing more than the two of us and our creativity and loving being with each other. Playing i-spy locked in each others arms, whispering stories while snuggled up together. Dorian cooking and me flitting about him trying to distract him.

In fact I’m not completely insane. I just wish that kinkiness wasn’t always on the forefront of our naughty convos.

I suppose what I’m really wishing for is the chance to do ‘coupley’ things between all the sex!

Because that’s the time that we have the most fun.

Sweet Whispers

So I promised you some of the exploits that we got up to over New Years. This is the little thing that makes me grin still in memory.

I was tired, as was Dorian and we had both settled down to sleep. I turned to him and guided his hand to his cock, assisting him in starting it getting harder before removing my own hand to place lightly on his chest. I ordered him, whispering in his ear, to continue stroking his cock. Then began quietly recounting stories of our recent exploits in his ear as I played with his nipples. His breath became more ragged as his hand sped up, his other one fondling his balls at my instruction. As I reminded him about the time in the snow where he bent me over against a tree and thrust his cock into me his hand became faster still until I heard him gasp and stop.

My hand trailed down his chest until I realised that he was covered in his come.

I leant up to kiss Dorian, he kissed me fiercely back in a thankyou before leaving to get himself cleaned up.

Finally he returned to snuggle me and for us to fall asleep together.

Oh how much fun it is to make him come

Snuggle

I’m constantly amazed that Dorian has the capability to put up with my temper. We spent this New Year together and everything seemed to be going wrong. Hotel’s trying to cancel bookings, snow predicted, sat navs sending us to different places. Then to top it all off I wasn’t sure whether I’d be seeing him during my time of the month. Either way, by the time I saw Dorian both of us were beginning to convince ourself that Fate was interfering for a reason. My temper beginning to get the best of me and my self esteem sinking unbearably.

So when Dorian entered my room, gathered me up in his arms and kissed me so softly, all the insecurities disappeared, all the hesitations vanished, and it was as if we are the only two people in the world who matter.

The best thing in the world, curling up into Dorian’s arms to fall asleep after a long hard day. Better still, when he doesn’t judge me or pester me for sex when I’m completely not in the mood and just wanting to relax.

I forgot how much fun there is in just stroking, caressing and embracing someone.

Or how at home I feel in Dorian’s arms.

Pity we live so far apart

Shhhhhh

“Do you want your present back” Dorian asked me as I came round the corner. He was whispering and I was confused at first. Then I followed his glance and saw that his fly was undone, peeking out was the blue silk material of the thong I had given him.

I gave a groan and followed him into his bedroom where silently i slid my hand into his jeans, giving his hard cock a rub. I dropped to my knees and start licking and sucking on the material, knowing he would love the sensation. He pulls me up and with a wicked glint to my eye I tell him that if his mother asks I am getting changed.

He pushed me onto the bed and grabbed a condom from the side. He fitted it over his straining erection and slid into me. After a bit of shifting we found a position that was quiet as he thrust into me. I raised my leg over his shoulder and he began stroking in and out of me quickly and quietly. I was soon silently wording to him to fuck me harder and faster and he obeys. He pounded his way to a quick climax.

I collapsed back onto the bed briefly then got up and rearranged myself, kissing Dorian hard before we left his room. Back to the pretense that we were just friends….I think his mum believes it!

You have to love nearly getting caught :p

Snow Day

There is the satisfying crunch of crisp, freshly fallen snow beneath our boots as we walk through the empty forest. It’s beautiful, branches lined in white powder and deer flitting between the trees startled by our intrusion. We wend our way up the steep hills made slick with ice. Grabbing each other as we slip so we pull the other down with us. There is no point in just one of us getting all cold!

We finally reach the top of the hill and look out onto the stunning view. He stands behind me and slides his arms around me, pressing his cheek against mine, helping thaw out my frozen face. I spin around to face him and lean up to kiss his lips, pressing my body against him to keep warm. The cold is getting to us again so he suggests that we move on. Taking my hand he leads me to what looks vaguely like a path but the only tracks on it are that of a deer. We are soon sinking into the deep drifts, ice forming along the bottoms of our dreams. Soon we are far from any path. He looks around as I catch up with him and catches hold of me. He kisses me deeply and backs me carefully up against a tree. He pulls of a glove and slides his icy hands into my jeans, remembering that I’m thongless, until he is stroking my clit.

I’m suprised, shocked and now soaking wet with pleasure. I sink slightly onto his hand as i pull his jacket collar bringing his lips harder against mine. He brings his fingers up to my lips, offering me a brief lick before he sucks them into his mouth savouring the taste of me. The tree is suprisingly comfortable against my back as long as I’m careful not to move too quickly to either side where the branches are sticking out dangerously. My hands reach under his jacket and I grope against the crotch of his jeans, feeling him get harder beneath my touch. I pull down his fly and curl my hand around his cock. It feels boiling hot beneath my touch and I feel him jump beneath my freezing fingers. I want a better feel so I undo his belt and button getting a firm grasp as I rub his cock, fondle his balls and kiss his lips hard. We both keep our eyes peeled for the sight of another person in the frozen wonderland.

We are getting hotter and hotter, though our feet are becoming numb, and our touch becomes more wild and our kiss more frenzied. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out one of the presents I had got him earlier. He slides the vibrator down my jeans and presses is against my clit as his fingers probe inside of me. He slips it inside of me and i sink downwards into a crouch and take his hot, hard cock into my mouth. I start to suck hard on his cock, deep throating him and playing with his balls still. He unzips his coat to get a better look. I run a finger along the crease of his bum and then work may way into him. I hear his gasp and feel his cock throb in my mouth as I do this.

He pulls me up roughly and reaches back into my jeans and he kisses me ferociously. He turns the vibrator on full and rubs my clit hard as I sink further down the tree, soon my legs are shaking as I succumb to an incredible orgasm.

I catch my breath and reach down for the vibrator and run it along his shaft and balls. He is gasping as I push the vibrator into him. Suddenly he pulls my jeans down just my bum cheeks. He turns me around, bends me over and pushes me against the tree. I feel his cock press against me, I catch my breath as it pulses inside of me. Soon he is thrusting into me. He is fucking me hard and fast as I hold onto the tree branches for support. If it wasn’t for the icy wind against my bare thighs we would have kept this up for much longer. But both of us soon gave in to the cold. We pack ourselves away, though continue kissing hard in disbelief of having just done this. Knowing that we hadn’t finished with each other just yet…just had to wait for a more suitable location….

Christmas Presents

I had sent Him a pressie already for Christmas (good old Amazon) but thought that since I would be visiting him in person I shouldn’t go empty-handed. So I decided on two gifts with a little card telling him that:

Present 1- Consider the fact that I’m ONLY wearing the other half of this set.

Present 2- Just on loan because I know that you won’t keep it at home with your parents.

I admit I nearly chickened out of giving him the present. It was only because I had told him the day before that I had got him something and he therefore demanded that I let him have it, to the point of wrestling it from my resisting hands, that he got it. He opened it up quickly and paused, surprised at the blue satin thong that he held in his hand.  The second present was a vibrator. Both presents he looked at in stunned silence. I quickly got out of the car, bright red in embarrassment that I had actually given him them.

It wasn’t until much later, while we were strolling along a path peaceably that he turned to me to thank me for the presents with a deep kiss. Mmmmmmmm

Working Late

In the office, staying late after work, bent studiously over a laptop, she slaves away. She has a tight deadline to work for and her shoulders ache badly from the effort. Another thousand words or so and she’d be done so she leans back to stretch her tight muscles across her back. Her tight white shirt rises slightly revealing a glimpse of flesh, and the top buttons strain agaist her cleavage. He catches his breath at the sight, he has a fantastic view through the door that had been left ajar from his position behind his own desk. Every night that week she had stayed much later than her colleagues, and he had decided that tonight he’d stay back too. If anyone asked he was rechecking some figures. Well he was certainly checking out one figure at least. 

She needed to move around after sitting so hunched up for the seemingly endless hours of the day. Elegantly she slipped out of her chair and walked softly to the water machine. She was taken aback to notice him sitting at his desk still. She had assumed that she would be alone tonight as she had been the rest of the week, but he wasn’t bothering her. In fact he seemed completely absorbed in whatever work he was doing. As she sipped her water she couldn’t help her eyes wander idly across to him again. His shirt barely concealed the taut body that must be hidden underneath, the strong shoulders and the muscular neck. She briefly toyed with the idea of running her hands through those dark curls, and she wondered what it would be like to hear those luscious lips whisper seductive words into her ears.

He had resisted so hard in looking up as she had come out to grab a glass of water. He knew that as she stood there her high heels would be making her legs look irresistable beneath that skirt. He knew that her fingers would be tapping her thigh to the beat of some internal song as they invariably did when she was distracted. He knew every mannerism, every look, every stance that she gave. She had been the object of his fantasies since she had arrived just a fortnight ago. So the sigh took him by suprise. Involuntarily he glanced up at her, their eyes connecting for an instant before both focused their gaze way again. Had he seen her flush slightly as if he’d caught her out? He had never seen her look embarassed or nervous before. Never. He stored the image away in his memory, the blush was rather becoming on her.

Damn it! He’d seen her looking. She had better be careful and get back to work. Nothing would get done if the thought of his hands all over her body…stop. No she must work. Another sigh as she sat back down. She couldn’t face it yet. Not tapping away at her laptop for another age with seemingly no progress. Not when her shoulders were so sore. She closed her eyes and rubbed her shoulders with her hand. Mmmmm this is nice, i’ll do this for a couple of minutes and then I can get on.

Maybe he can offer her a hand. She looks like she could do with a massage. Just do it. Just walk in and ask if she would like him to help her.

If only…oh he’s moving. Maybe he’s going now. That’s probably a good thing, then she wouldn’t have any distractions whatsoever. Warm hands touch her shoulders, resting on top of her hands and making her start. ‘It looks like you could do with a back rub’. His voice was low, enticing, and sent sparks down her spine. She said nothing, just removed her own hands and leant back into his. The hands began a firm shoulder rub, kneading away some of the knots that she had built up from the days work. A slight sigh escaped her lips and she closed her eyes enjoying the massage. 

He continued to knead away at her shoulders. His strong, expert, hands didn’t give away his nerves. Nor, he was pleased to find did his voice. He let the massage extend, stroking down her lovely neck and further down her back. He gathered up her long, dark tresses and scooped them to one side of her head so that he could massage the other side of her neck and shoulders better. He could not resist leaning in to inhale her delicious scent. He didn’t know she could sense him nearer to him. So he was caught by suprise as her face turned and her lips caught his in a gentle kiss.

The kiss was soon anything but gentle. As soon as her lips made contact the connection was electric. His lips moved hesitantly initially and hers responded with force. Her tongue flickered against his and soon she was standing, her hands exploring his back and standing on tip toes to keep the kiss going. She could feel his breathing quicken and loved the strength with which his arms embraced her. She had to have him now. She shuffled her feet backwards until she could perch on the edge of her desk, pulling him along with her and then allowed him to slide his legs between hers so he could get closer. She wanted him so badly, she could feel her knickers damped in her excitement. Now she tried to figure out a way of getting him to fulfill her fantasy. ‘You’re so sexy, I just want you right here, right now’, he growled this in her ear. She still said nothing but pulled him closer, letting the increased intensity of the kiss speak for her. She allowed his hands to cup her breasts and felt her nipples harden in invitation to him. She heard him groan as his fingers moved across them. Then she gasped as he undid her top buttons swiftly and dropped his mouth to the nipple. Throwing her head back she was becoming soaking wet in this real life fantasy.

He couldn’t believe his luck. He was sucking on the nipple of the ample breast of his object of dreams. She was inviting him for more, he was certain of it. He placed a hand on her knee and cautiously let it slide up her thigh. He groaned in lust when he realised she was wearing stockings and suspenders, and began to suck on her nipples with renewed enthusiasm. His erection was becoming uncomfortable in his trousers now. It only became harder when he reached the top of the inside of her thigh and encountered her lacy thong, wet with her juices. In a swift move he yanked them down to around her ankles before gently rubbing against her opening with his fingers. She was making little noises above his head which he took for approval. Looking up to check he found himself gazing into the lust driven face of this woman, who gathered his face up with her soft hands to kiss him again.

She was in a high state of arousal to say the least and was just on the brink of begging him to touch her clit or to slide those fingers inside of her. The anticipation was driving her wild with desire. So when his first finger slid inside of her she nearly came straight away. The second finger took her closer and when his thumb rubbed on her clit at the same time she grabbed hold of him and clung to him as she shuddered into a climax. Now she wanted just one thing. She pulled him in close, pulled down his fly and extracted the engorged erection which she had felt pressed against her thigh. She maintained eye contact as she guided him towards her entrance.

He entered her slowly, feeling her tighten around him. He pushed her gently back onto the desk, pulling her legs around him and began to smoothly stroke in and out of her. Her magnificent chest moving up and down in front of him drove him to speed up. The gasps emitted from between her lips made him get harder. He wanted more. He pulled her up, rougher than he had been and turned her around to bend her over the desk. He stared down at the peach of a bum in front of him and plowed back into her. He was thrusting hard, her moans and gasps driving him onwards until he pulled out suddenly and she dropped onto her knees in front of him to receive his come in her mouth.

‘By the way,’ she said. ‘It’s nice to meet you’. She chuckled at his expression, and stood up to give him a long deep kiss. ‘Now I really must get on with my work.’ With that final statement she sat back down on her chair, pulling her laptop towards her and began typing with fervour.

He wasn’t sure how he should react, but returned to his seat and pretended to get on with some work. He was immediately aware when she packed up to go home hours later, but pretended to be oblivious until she walked over and sat on the side of his desk awaiting his attention. He looked up to see her seductively lick her lips and for her to ask him ‘when you’re finished, your place or mine?’

Moving On

I have been more or less told that I should move on from He Who Must Not Be Named. So that is what I’m going to do. Make it easy on him. I spent a few weeks debating with myself about how I felt about Him, and I had just come to a decision…at that point it turns out he had come to the polar opposite of that decision.

I thought that even though there were 100 reasons that we shouldn’t be together; the distance, the fact that he’ll be going travelling for months on end, or that he has the capacity to devastate me, I decided that he also can make me happier than anyone else I’ve even known. I thought I’d see what He thought. See if maybe we could start up something casual, unofficial, a little more than our warped friendship.  But I got cut off before I could say a word. He warned me not to say anything that i might regret or that I might need a hug for. We then went into our completely analogous way of speaking and I found out that though he’d been going through a similar thought process but decided that he couldn’t cope with being hurt this much again.

So the best things that could come of this; the continued friendship, someone for hugs, someone to share good and bad news with, someone to laugh so much with and of course the great sex. The weekend we spent together was an example of that. Just easiness and happiness which I know He can’t deny.

In the end He believed the potential for hurt wasn’t worth the happiness that may not last while I had decided that the happiness for however long was worth the potential for hurt.

Which leaves me with no choice. I can’t hurt Him. I can’t ask that He risks being hurt because of me. So I shall be a saint. Steer clear from any conversations that would be construed as me trying it on. I don’t want to lose his friendship even if it’s not quite the form I wish it was. As for moving on. I’ll do that as and when I feel like it!

Nothing but Underwear

One of my friends has a deal with her ex that if she ever breaks up with her current boyfriend that she will turn up on his doorstep in nothing but a trench coat and underwear.

I thought I’d steal this idea for myself and the mini reunion I had with Carrot!

Imagine this

Sexy underwear underneath a long coat

I was so nervous and excited when I was getting ready for my journey. I slid into my red matching bra and french knickers and then, as an after thought slipped into my red lace topped stockings and matching suspender belt. I was ready.

I wrapped my coat sensuously around me and got up to go. A quick (and terrifying) pitstop at the petrol station where my stockings seemed determined to work their way into view and I was on my way up the motorway.

It was exhilirating. The thought that lorry drivers looking down into the car might be able to catch a glimpse of leg and stockings. Or when I stopped right next to a bus stop at one point and had to quickly rearrange my coat to be more covering. Or when I stopped for a quick break at a service station and getting out into a busy carpark. But 170 miles later and I arrived on Carrot’s doorstep in my high heeled stilettos, ready for the weekend to begin.

After a deep kiss on greeting I kept my coat on as Carrot gave me a tour of the house, ending in the guest room where we would be sleeping that night. Here he finally offered to take my coat. ‘You forgot your clothes’ he tells me. I’m uncertain whether he approves  at first but he draws me in for a kiss before throwing me onto the bed. Pinning me down he kisses me hard and runs his hands all over my bodys, feeling the suspenders and the top of my stockings.  I pull at his clothes to get him naked and he sucks my breasts and my nipples and rubbing the crotch of my knickers with the palm of his hand knowing how much I love it.

This was just the start of an incredible weekend!

I would do it again in a heartbeat….though I may be tempted to take it one step further :p

Set myself up

I’m worried now about setting myself up for a fall.

I have 2 issues. I want to give the Voice a chance but he’s already let me down, he’s already convincing me that he’s a bad idea. But I have to know. I’ve spent months with an idle crush on this guy. But I can’t see anything really happening with him beyond a friendly meet up.

My second issue I’m going to keep quiet but let’s just say it confuses me more and if I confess it to the relevant person I am almost guaranteed to be shot down in a blast of logic and sensibleness. But everyone knows that logic never applies to feelings! There I’m definitely setting myself up to be hurt.

So what’s the answer?

Be careful all my life in case I get hurt?

Weigh up the pros and cons before I make a decision and worry all my life that I’m missing out?

Go for it and screw the consequences?

Help!